Sunday, September 25, 2011

Burn, Baby, Burn!

So, I've been thinking a lot lately. We have many tags for the things we like. But what about the things we hate? Oh, I know. Christians aren't supposed to "hate." Well, good luck finding one then, because everyone despises something or someone, no matter how wonderful they are. It doesn't even have to be a vengeful kind of hatred, just a strong enough dislike to put a damper on your day. :P One of my favorite comedians, Tim Hawkins, once said something like this:

"There are four things in this world that I hate. They are (in order): my lawyer...Satan, the people who only eat M&M's in trail mix...and the people who forward e-mails."

I thought that was SO funny, I decided to do something similar. Only instead of listing four things, I'm going to list a whole slew of them...and believe me, this list is by NO means exhaustive. But it's good for starters, so here we go!

In no particular order...

THINGS THAT BURN MY SOUL!

1) crumbs in the jelly jar. (Wipe you're knife, people!)
2) guys who drum on their chest
3) desserts with alternate, substitute ingredients (Can I just say something? It's really profound. But guys... desserts are not supposed to be healthy! I don't care how "almost-but-not-quite" it is, if you're going to go to all the trouble to make a brownie, cookie, or whatever...MAKE IT WITH THE DUMB WHITE SUGAR!!!! Cuz it tastes absolutely terrible without it, and the only reason people ingest it is so as not to hurt your feelings!!! *breathes* okay, I'm done. :D)
4) People who wear jeans to semi-formal occasions
5) wrinkled bed-spreads
6) one crooked knife in a row of straight ones (that one really burns!)
7) girls who talk to you because their brother is interested
8) people who forget to add "lys" to their words. (Can we try to talk like we're ed-ju-micated? lol)
9) people who roll through stop signs
10) long acrylic nails
11) fat people in skinny jeans
12) People who say "liberry" instead of "LIBRARY!"
13) happy endings to stories or movies
14) dirty kitchen counter-tops
15) people who wear striped shirts with plaid shorts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
16) baby-talk to animals (You know who you are!)
17) people who don't blink when you're talking to them (*Awkward turtle*)
18) people who promise they're your friends, but never keep in touch (Just be honest! Truth hurts, but not as badly as deception.)
19) the car in front of me that merges onto the freeway at 20 mph (Jesus loves you, but why make it harder for me?)
20) when the title of a movie is in the same font as the rest of the credits
21) sun masks (the 21st century veil...but way more creepy!)
22) public displays of affection (Trees were created so that you could hide behind them!)
23) guys with significant peach fuzz (Just shave it! Until you've got scruff, this here gal don't find it manly.)
24) breaking out the week I have a million people to see (God's #1 of teaching me the virtue of humility...)
25) fake smiles

I think 25 is a nice round number, don't you :) Of course, now I'll probably get a bunch of emails regarding the benefit of healthy desserts. But I don't care. My philosophy is: eat whatever and  as much as you want (without being gluttonous) just make sure you work out even harder. :D Or it could be I just don't have the mental discipline to resist chocolate. lol ;)

Love you guys!

1 comment:

Sarah said...

"Can I just say something? It's really profound. But guys... desserts are not supposed to be healthy! I don't care how "almost-but-not-quite" it is, if you're going to go to all the trouble to make a brownie, cookie, or whatever...MAKE IT WITH THE DUMB WHITE SUGAR!!!! Cuz it tastes absolutely terrible without it, and the only reason people ingest it is so as not to hurt your feelings!!!"

AMEN!!! ;-)