Wednesday, September 14, 2011

I'm SO Confused!

The time has come for me to admit something I've tried to keep under the radar for many years...It's been a constant source of turmoil and trauma (for my parents especially). But these last few years have really aggravated the problem. Are you ready for this?

*sucks in breath and exhales very quickly*
I'm bipolar.

Yes, you read that right. I don't understand myself at all. I literally have two split personalities living inside of me all the time, and there's no medication to speak of that can help.

I'll give you a perfect example:
Last Thursday, I spent a luxurious four hours getting my hair weaved...then I turned around and rushed home for a grueling soccer practice...
I adore BBC period dramas...but I thoroughly enjoy shoot 'em up action films [And the more shattered glass, the better! :)]
I relish a rare, once-in-a-blue-moon pedicure...but I LOVE canyoning and hiking through rivers!
I wish I could dance at a Regency Ball...but I also would love to try Marine Boot Camp! (you know, just to see if I could do it!)
I can be very solemn, mysterious, and pensive...but I can dance the Cha-cha Slide like no tomorrow!
I can be Jane Austen or G.I. Jane, Rapunzel or Rocky...but the crazy thing is, I often switch gears before anyone has a chance to blink.

When people meet me in group gatherings, they can't believe I'm an athlete. When they meet me in any sports-related event, they have trouble believing I'm a girly-girl...and a half-way normal one at that! :P

Is it possible to have such opposite tendencies? I have no idea. But I feel like the odd man out because most girls, as far as I can see, tend to have this whole identity thing all figured out. You're either afraid to break a nail or you're not. Very few can actually sympathize with my bipolar-ness (aka "genius," as my dad calls it :D): "Well, I'm afraid to break a nail only if I just had a manicure and I'm going to a wedding the next day, or..."

[Lol!!! In case you think I'm making this up, I just finished reading this post to Joe. He said, "Yep, that describes you pretty well." Told ya! :)]

I'll give you another case and point.

While in Austria, I discovered that I was more in touch with my Italian side than I previously realized. (Fyi--I credit my Italian heritage for every ounce of extroversion I possess.) This surprised me because at home, when compared to the rest of my family, I tend to be the quiet, reserved one. In fact, my family often tells me to get my nose out of the books and start living life as opposed to reading about it! :P

But while I was away, I found that in the presence of impeccable European decorum, I began to exhibit alarming signs of American boisterousness. lol I just couldn't stand the silence! I mean, for crying out loud, a castle's pretty romantic, but does that mean we're all under perpetual enchantment? I certainly didn't think so. So I sang, chatted, or entertained the rest of my SOS mates with more volume and charisma than they probably wanted. hahaha

And that's just my point! Why can't I be consistent? It would one thing if I were naturally a loud or shy person. But both?

Actually, to throw a spoke in your wheel, sometimes I feel like I have THREE personalities. Particularly when I work out. lol There's the lazy child that whines, "I'm tired, stop," the drill sergeant that screams, "Shut up and get your head back in the game!" and then me who calmly observes the other two squabbling.

So...

Does anybody feel like prescribing me some meds? Therapy? :P

Do you now have more sympathy for my family...who puts up with this Genius 24/7/365? :) Actually, that's not entirely true. They do lock me in a rubber room every so often. 

Hope you guys are having a more sane evening than I am! :D

Lots of laughs,

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