Thursday, December 22, 2011

So This is Joe.

Hey Everyone,

So this Joe "filling in" for Talia. Actually to be honest, I broke into her blog account and decided I needed to inform you all of some things that she would never dare to post herself (for fear of strange comments and stranger e-mails). Suffice it to say, I am going to inform you of some things you do not know about Talia.

So when Talia posted her whole spiel about 10 things you don't know about her, and conveniently labeled it her "genius" you only scratched the surface of who she really is...

So I've decided to add to that list a little bit, with 5 things you REALLY don't know about Talia:

  1. Talia has an incurable state of OOOOOOCCCCDDD, which stands for obsessive obsessive obsessive obsessive obsessive obsessive compulsive compulsive compulsive compulsive disorder disorder disorder. If ever she is working on something she will have to make sure everything else is done EXACTLY the same way or she will literally get frustrated.
  2. Talia is passive-aggressive. I'll be working on a movie and show her something to "see what she thinks," you know, the thing that siblings do. As soon as I do, I almost always regret it. Here is a quote of what she'll say to me after watching a certain thing: "It's too bad you can't cut that one little thing out right there," or, "I wish you could raise the volume on that one spot," or, "Too bad no one can add that sound effect there." Need I go on? Pretty soon, a simple "what do you think" has turned into an hour long session of me correcting all the little things that she wishes could change. (When you wish upon a star...) By the way, her OCD plays into this a lot.
  3. Talia has if-it's-not-perfect-than-I-won't-do-it syndrome. We'll be talking around the dinner table and the subject might come up, "Hey Talia, what's your favorite movie?" Talia will sit there, thinking, looking to the ceiling for answers (isn't that weird that the ceiling is the ultimate-answerer?) After moments of waiting, she'll finally say, "Well I don't know if I have just one favorite. I have a lot of favorites, so I don't think I could name just one." This isn't so bad, except that we've been waiting for like...45 seconds in silence to get a response and that's the best she can do? Like she couldn't think to give us just one of her favorites! Also, she doesn't like participating in sports if she's not good at them. That's kinda random, I'm just writing these things down as I think of them. ;)
  4. Talia never displays OSA (Outward Signs of Anger). This means when she gets angry, instead of yelling or storming out of the room and slamming doors like most people I know, she'll just ignore you, stop talking, and have this look on her face of disgust/frustration. Meanwhile, I can just see the smoke billowing out of her ears and nose. But you better watch out, because although she won't lash out at you, once you've reached that stage, only a sincere, heartfelt apology will make her feel better towards you for the rest of the month! If you really did something to ruffle her feathers, she will store your deed in her memory bank for years, decades, or centuries.  She's got the Miranda Law down pat. At the most inopportune time, she will suddenly recall that minor act you did to her and use it against you. She'd be a good prosecutor.
  5. Finally, Talia has a fear of anything regarding the neck. I don't know if it's because she's read so many murder mysteries or because she read Dracula (which by the way was her first and last vampire story she said she'd ever read) but Talia is afraid of anyone touching her neck. Just the word "neck" or "throat" and she gets weak. She cannot talk about anything in biology related to the human heart or veins or arteries because that just makes her feel weak too.

Now before you think: "Wow, Talia's really wierd, " you have to give her some credit. She has an excuse for every one of her problems. Whether she gives you her psychological explanation that she didn't get her red wagon when she was a child or she gives you a good excuse like "I saw a video of open heart surgery when I was eight," the more you get to know her, the more things you find out. Unfortunately I don't have the time to enlighten you about her other more serious problems, for if I did she would probably have me her mind. (See #4 for details.  No OSA, remember?) In addition, I must leave before she realizes what I've done, and if this post disappears before you can read all of it, well, just assume I've been virtually horsewhipped.

Thank you all for reading this enlightening post about the TRUE nature of Talia! :)


FYI, Talia allowed me the "privilege" of posting on HER blog. (By the way she sounded when she gave me permission, I would have thought I had the power to launch a nuke or something. That's another one of her disorders: she makes everything so dramatic. Ex: "I give you permission to use my computer, or I allow you the privilege of posting something on MY blog." Whatever. I still love her despite her "genius"! :D)


madeline blair said...

Thanks for posting Joseph... These things are good to know--especially number 4 about OSA. :) Oh and by the way, number three could apply to just about every female I know (this is mostly to make Talia feel better)

Anyway, I sincerely hope you do not get horse-whipped, virtually or otherwise. :D

Johanna said...

Thank you for enlightening all of us, Joe ... now I really know you, Miss Talia!!! *picking at the neck* Although, I must say, I already knew most of this. *evil-snicker*

BTW, I am STILL awaiting that 'professionally written' article, "deary". *smirk*

-- Johanna

JoannaKaye said...

Thanks so much, Joe, for giving us the scoop.

Just gotta say...I can't help but wonder what one of my brothers would say if he attempted something like this...

Talia said...

LOL! I can only imagine...hahah ;)