Friday, February 22, 2013

Over. Forever.

Today marks an epic day in my life, for today's the day...
I can't believe it's over. After three and a half years, endless hours of studying, late nights, exams, deadlines, tears, typing, and wondering how on earth I was going to survive...I have officially finished. Forever. Permanently. And I won't have to worry about grades ever, ever, EVER again! Oh. My. Gosh. What kind of a world have I just entered? :)
It's funny. I'm overcome with this sense of elation, but it's not coming across the way I thought it in screaming all over the house, collapsing into a puddle of tears, or dialing up every single person of my acquaintance to tell them the news! *cough* Actually...well, I only called three people. ;)
Instead, I just feel this sense of "Yeah, I've done it. Good job. Next?" ;)
Lol, I have to work really hard not to get caught up in the "what am I going tomorrow" mentality. This is a monumental moment, and I want to savor every bit of it.
I want to remember those days I thought I was going to die.
Those days I felt like shooting myself in the head to get away from it all. (not really, but kinda)
All the times I wanted to reach through the computer and smack my professors upside the head. (okay, maybe take their faces and smash them against the wall!)
The times I got a great score on a paper I thought I failed.
The times I did badly when I poured my life's blood into an assignment.
Driving to Fullerton to take my exams at nine in the morning.
Circling the parking structure for one empty space and having to park up on the roof.
I want to remember those late nights that I nearly drowned myself in coffee.
The pain of writer's block where time is ticking and you can't think of single sentence to save your life.
The times I spent writing emails or "cleaning" to avoid studying.
Venting to my parents about the general lack of sympathy for Western Lit. ;)
I want to remember those nights I spent wide awake in bed planning out future papers.
Rehearsing speeches in my bedroom mirror.
Growing lethargic from sitting at a desk all day.
Walking upstairs to "my dungeon."
I want to remember today as the day I have dotted the last "i" and put the last period at the end of a sentence. Today is the day I end my academic career (for the semi-foreseeable future). And all I want to remember is this sensation of not being able to breathe.
I can't really begin to say how grateful I my parents, but especially my mom who homeschooled and supported me over the years. Who taught me to read and write, who drove me to all the park days and choir practices, soccer games and swim meets, who spent hours figuring what classes I needed to take and made sure to pray with me before every exam...This is a graduation for you as much as it is for me! ;) To my dad: thanks for working so hard so that mom could stay home and homeschool all of us. Thanks for empathizing with me when I thought I couldn't take it anymore...the late nights we spent talking about the future...
I can't say I'm going to miss anything...I've had enough deadlines and due dates to suit me for a lifetime. I know it's not over. This is just the beginning. But I'll think about that tomorrow. Today, I just want to smile and look out at the sky knowing I don't have to write a paper about!
Thank you to everyone who supported me over the years--even though most of you don't read this blog. Mrs. Ersalius, you were my favorite CBCS teacher! Mrs. Wilcox, I'm sorry for spilling formaldehyde all over the brand new carpet! It really wasn't my fault! ;) Thank you Professor Pannullo for believing in me even when I didn't believe in myself.

And thank you, Lord, for directing me to Thomas Edison, for providing financially, for seeing me through to the other side.
And now, as a Thomas Edison State College graduate of 2013, I bid you all adieu!

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